So, it happened again. I drove the few hours back to Kansas City from my home town yesterday and I started to get anxious. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I was tired of being stuck in the car for a while. Maybe I was worried about all the household chores I have to get done with limited time before we head out of town on Tuesday. Maybe I missed the comfort and ease of a conversation (in person) with Marcus who I hadn’t seen in a little over a day. Maybe I was tired from sleeping in a different bed. Maybe I was mentally exhausted from being “on” for almost two days straight and wanted to relax and just “be”. Nothing significant had happened, though. I had no good excuse.
I got home, threw a load of laundry in and started eating. I was kind of hungry when I started. But not enough to justify the amount I ate. Why do I still do this?
I don’t want to make it seem on this blog that I have things all figured out and I’ve conquered my eating issues. The truth is, I still struggle with binging. I don’t do it as frequently or eat as much as I used to, but I still struggle with it from time to time.
The weird thing is, I always feel SO MUCH WORSE after an overeating or binging spell. Last night, I ate a bunch of snacks then went out with Marcus for our normal Saturday night date at our favorite Mexican place. I had tons of chips and salsa, then the two fajitas I normally eat. That stupid basket of chips…. That’s a blog post for another day… I felt like I got hit by a truck. That’s the only way to describe it. I was exhausted from the blood sugar crash from all the junk I had eaten earlier then I felt the salt intake I had consumed overtaking my body – my lips and face started feeling puffy, I started feeling bloated and uncomfortable, my stomach was so full I could barely move without pain. It’s like torturing yourself.
Binging and overeating reminds me of that verse in John – “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you may have life and have it to the full” -Jesus (John 10:10)
Wow – powerful. Let’s take a second and really think about what Jesus is saying here. The thief – Satan, wants to steal, kill and destroy us. That’s something to take note of. When we’re tempted with binging or overeating as a means of dealing with an emotion or an uncomfortable feeling, we’re participating in behavior prescribed by Satan. We’re cooperating with him – we’re doing exactly what he wants us to do. Satan’s answer is always a “quick fix”. It might sooth momentarily, but it always leaves us wanting. It’s never enough. So, we often go back for more. More doesn’t cut it either. The ultimate result? We are stolen, at least momentarily, from behaving in the Spirit; Satan is killing us little by little with each bite we take (not an actual physical death, but our heart and spirit are reaching out for something false, a lie, something other than Truth to temporarily make us feel “better”); and Satan is ultimately destroying us and our relationship with God, which grieves the Holy Spirit each time we reach for something other than Jesus to satisfy our needs.
Let’s focus on the second half of that verse – Jesus comes so that we can have LIFE and HAVE IT TO THE FULL. Is having a full life sitting in a restaurant booth with belly so full and a bloodstream so full of sugar and salt that we can barely move or function? I would say “no” to that. Jesus’ answer is always more of a whisper. And Jesus’ answer always leads to life and peace and does not leave us wanting. Satan screams in our face when we’re vulnerable “Here’s some ice cream – eat it up! It will make you feel better! You know you’re hungry – you did that tough workout this morning. C’mon, your body NEEDS this. You can’t be expected to wait ALL the way until 8:00 when Marcus gets home to eat dinner -that is unrealistic.” While Satan is screaming these lies in your ears, Jesus is waiting patiently and quietly to give you His way if you’ll only reach out for it. God has this way of patiently waiting for us to reach out to Him when we’re feeling empty and vulnerable. Last night, I’m not sure why, but I was very physically tired on my drive home. I was also a little hungry. I was also a little anxious about getting stuff done around the house. All of this left me feeling vulnerable and open to listening to lies from Satan.
In those moments of vulnerability, it is so important to reach out to God. Just tell Him how we’re feeling and asking for help to walk in the Spirit and exercise the fruit of self control. I have to say, praying is not a magic wand. God is not a genie in a bottle. I’ve often prayed and still chose the destructive path. I think God is mostly concerned about our heart. If we say a half-hearted prayer to try to stop us from overeating in the moment and the real motivation for that prayer is that we don’t want to gain weight, God might be reluctant to answer.
However, if we’re walking with the Spirit and have God’s perspective on things, then we know that overeating will hurt God. It’s as if we won’t want to participate in that behavior in the first place because we know how devastating it will be to God. When we’re in the Spirit, our whole perspective on things change. We start to think how God thinks and see things how God sees them. Then, that desire to binge will fade into the background because we’ll want what God wants for us.
This change in perspective does NOT happen overnight. Again, God is most concerned about our heart. He wants that relationship with us more than anything else. He’ll wait as long as we need to finally concede to doing things His way. He also likes consistency. He likes to hear from us in prayer. He likes to help us study His word with others and by ourselves. He likes to see us worshipping with other believers. He likes seeing us take time out of our day to acknowledge Him. He likes it when we do this daily. Praying daily changes our heart to become more like God. Then, we start to want what God wants. Suddenly, the temptation to participate in sinful behaviors loses its grip on us.
Remember, God’s solutions are not quick fixes. They are not temporary. They take time and consistency to develop. However, His solutions are eternal. They last. And they are good. They don’t leave us wanting. They leave us perfectly in peace. Thank you Jesus!